You Can Do Better – How To Order Drinks Like a Pro


Hey, I would like to order a drink. Mm-hmm? Oh, uh, uh, a martini. Can I, um,
get a martini? Gin or vodka? Uh… vodka? On the rocks?
Would you like a twist? Olives, a Gibson,
dirty-dry, stirred-shaken? (stammering) Uh, you know what,
actually, uh, let me get a martini later,
I totally forgot. I hate to see that
because I’ve been there. I felt so bad
for the guy. Drinking is one of
those weird things where it seems
simple, right? It’s just
something everybody does. But there’s consequences. You should be taught
how to drink, because not only do you have
to learn how to do it right, you have to learn how
to do it right while drunk. Every time
you go out drinking, the stakes are high. Mm-hmm. It could be, like,
a super great night, or– The worst of your life. It could be the worst. There are consequences–
job loss… Ruined relationships. Horrible nicknames. Lifelong teasing. Conversely, there could be
some wonderful stuff. You could meet the love
of your life because you’re
socially braver. Social bravery, exactly. But no one teaches
you how, so… Work on it. Because you
can do better… At drinking. Mm-hmm. (glasses clink) Yes, “up” means shaken
with ice to chill it, but it’s not
served over ice. “On the rocks”
means over ice. “Twist”
is lemon peel, it’s a garnish like olives
or cocktail onion, the latter of which
makes it a Gibson. (Abbi)
“Dirty” means
with olive juice, “dry” means
less vermouth. You should
just order a, a gin martini
up with a twist. It’s the best version. Yeah, I’ll take that. (bartender)
Yeah, you’ve got it. (Matthew)
Uh, these drinks are on him. Oh, thank you! Yeah. What? The most important thing that a drinker needs to get
comfortable with is ordering a drink, which means you need to get
comfortable in bars. So, if you’re new to this world
or haven’t done much exploring, here are five bars that
you’re likely to encounter and how to order
in each. The dive bar. The purest
expression of a bar. You go there to drink,
and it looks like it. No frills, bunch of regulars
at the bar, a bartender who expects
you to know what you want, and what you want– probably bottled beer
and straight spirits. I love dive bars, but I wouldn’t necessarily drink
the tonic water here. Pubs or sports bars. If bars were family, this would
be like the fun uncle, the one with the pool table
and the large screen TV and a small roster of jokes
that he brings out every time you go over. This is the land of beer
and the home of the highball, so don’t over-complicate
your order. No one should be
drinking a martini while they’re
playing darts. The cocktail nerd bar. Definitely order
a fancy cocktail, but be sure to check in
with the bartender, get their
advice because, like comic book store owners
and vegans, they love to
share their expertise by telling you exactly
what you should get. Wine bars. I would avoid these bars. Wine by the glass
is for people who don’t drink. It’s like being forced to order
a sandwich at an airport. It’s too expensive and you
literally have no other options. If you do find yourself
in one of these places, don’t be tricked into spending
more than you need, ’cause you know
what also works? The cheapest glass of wine. Lastly, the Tiki bar. Even if you’ve never been
to one of these bars, like pornography
to a Supreme Court Justice, you’ll know it
when you see it. Hawaiian shirts, drinks served
in comically large bowls, just tons of
bamboo everywhere. So, order the biggest,
booziest drink you can until you’re all singing along
to that Don Ho record that they’re
inevitably playing. So, in summary, know your
surroundings, order what
the bar is known for, and tip your bartender,
please.

59 thoughts on “You Can Do Better – How To Order Drinks Like a Pro

  1. First time hearing of this show and I am going to watch it. somehow it makes me think of a cross between Adam Ruins Everything and Hack My Life.

  2. I remember when i was 5 or 6 years i just toke a a beer from my dad just toke the biggest slurp ever

  3. I guess this makes sense if you've grown up in the basement of a cult's church and your parents are dead and you have no friends to teach you anything. Other than that, this is bunk.

  4. So sick of these pretentious hipster advice garbage! Enjoy the moment, order whaterver and if you get it wrong, you learn!

    This is why so many still live with their parents. These hipster hippies do not know how to socialize and live life without fear.

    Why not create a video that teaches others to grow up, walk to a bar and ask for whatever they want, if they don't have it, ask for something else, at worst, what would be recommended!

  5. How to go out drinking in the fatherland, be 16+, go to literally any store, buy a case of beer for each person, and at least a bottle of vodka for every other, and half a dozen bottles of coke, pay the 30€ and enjoy at home with your mates

  6. Wine bars are the opposite in Australia. Literally the cheapest alcoholic thing you can drink. The government barely taxes wine.

  7. "Like porn to a Supreme Court Justice"…love it!
    Customer: Hey can you make a Martini? Bartender: Can you make a shoe stink?

  8. Japanese bar. Drink whatever you want, as much as you want for the same price. Tipping is forbidden. But don't forget to tell them not to put ice in a whisky when you want it straight.

  9. Eh people are calling this pretentious (and it is; the worst that will happen if you don't know what you're ordering is your friends will lightly tease you), but I feel like this is an important video for first time drinkers. I drink a decent amount, but I've never had the inkling to order a martini, so now I know 🙂

  10. Irritating how large they feel toward the guy who's just unfamiliar. Ppl like that are so overdue for getting over themselves.

  11. …Yeah, that guy, in the beginning, is basically me in every situation. My nerves always get the best of me

  12. Did not help at all. I usually have to go the bar and ask the bartender what whiskies they have. Sometimes I ask the bartender what good whisky cocktails he knows. If he names more than a couple I ask him to tell me a bit more about them. I must be a huge pain in the ass I guess.

  13. There was a time when I actually said, "I want a Mer-Lot" as in Big Lots, a lot, that's my "lot" in life, you get the idea. 😐

  14. You can do better at drinking. Yeah ok. Most Americans should not be allowed out of their homes until they become true capital allocators.
    Oh well. Guess no one would ever leave home.
    Moronic video.

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